Wounded Warriors and Defecting Officers….
Wounded Warriors and Defecting
Officers….
Mary Ann Wray
My husband served in the US Army during the Vietnam war. He
was never sent overseas because he was flat footed, but he served CONUS in the
Finance Office at Fort Dix. Both my husband and I retired from the Department
of Defense in 2017 and 2019 respectively. He supported Maritime: the Navy
and Coastguard as a Quality Assurance Specialist. He was responsible for making
sure that every part that was ordered was properly inspected and passed strict
quality guidelines for safety and use before being sent to a Depot from a
manufacture or released from the Depot for stock availability for the troops. I
supported Army bases CONUS and OCONUS either getting ready to deploy or who
were already deployed. My final role towards the end of my career with the DoD after doing some pre-award and post award contracting work, was to release
stock for spare parts for weapon systems that needed overhauling and or repair.
It was very rewarding work for both of us. Prior to that, I was an elementary
teacher for many years, then worked briefly as an Administrative Assistant for
GE Financial Services. It was quite a switch in careers, but I have to say I
loved both jobs as an elementary teacher and Customer Account Specialist in
Supply at the DoD though diametrically different.
I’m using our careers as an analogy to teach some prophetic
lessons and insights to encourage the Body of Christ. While we both worked
full-time jobs, we also spent many hours volunteering and serving in various
roles at eleven different churches over a 48 year period. Due to my husband’s
work, we did move quite a bit. In terms of ministry, we started out together in
children’s ministry when our children were small, then I led worship at a small
church along with doing some teaching and preaching and prophetic type ministry.
As we grew and matured in our faith, we led home groups and became involved in pastoral
and prayer ministry, did some inner-city outreaches, headed up a food pantry,
did some prison ministry, and served as a co-pastor and elder at a local
church. All during this time, even though we were bi-vocational, we felt more
committed and more connected to our divine calling than our natural calling if
that makes sense. We took it much more serious in terms of the fear of the Lord,
than our secular jobs, because we were and are dealing with the eternal souls
of God‘s precious flock that he purchased with his own blood.
However, over the years, we suffered some abuse, misuse,
misunderstandings and betrayals, as all people of God do who choose to walk the
path of discipleship. If these abuses and misunderstandings are coupled with unresolved
childhood trauma it presents a double whammy on the psyche. We as servants are
not above Our Master. But unfortunately, we and others lacked the
discernment and understanding that these wounds are real, and if they’re not
ministered to correctly, you can go on and on creating more cumulative injury
and trauma to your soul without realizing it. Unfortunately, even many well-meaning
leaders or pastors lack the education, training or spiritual discernment to
help their leaders who are wounded. Instead, they typically encourage them to
keep serving, giving and working offering prayer as the only means of healing. Sometimes
they will offer retreats. While these are nice, they aren’t always what every
leader needs to get healing. Even more serious and sometimes destructive is
when someone in ‘leadership’ will ascribe a demon to your issue or think that’s
all it is and attempt to cast out something out before or if you really even
need deliverance. Either way, experience has taught me that counsel is just as
important, if not more important than expelling an annoying or tormenting devil
of the mind or body. Spiritual malpractice of this sort, only adds more abuse
and wounds to your soul. I speak from experience. I believe in deliverance and
have been used to cast demons out of people, but not before or until the Holy Spirit
made it very clear that’s what needed to happen. Each time, it was when I wasn’t
looking for a demon or expecting one to manifest. God set it up, not me.
We can get stuck in an endless hamster wheel of serving,
doing, and striving thinking that we’re doing God’s “duty” when what we really need
are times of rest, healing and refreshment in God’s presence. Sometimes, even
professional counsel through trained experts in the field of Complex Trauma may
be needed. Even Christ himself separated, many times from the crowds and his
disciples to get alone with the Father and pray. This is where I believe, we
are sorely lacking in the body of Christ, and this is what I want to address in
this post.
That’s when your gift or your ministry can become an idol and
you can get your eyes off of Jesus. Why? Because all gifts are the means by
which we each minister. They are secondary to your first love. He doesn’t give
you the gifts because you deserve them or earned them. They don’t validate you.
Be careful about that. You can be in sin and still operate in your gift. That
doesn’t validate your sin. This is
exactly what John the revelator addressed to the church in Ephesus in
Revelation Chapter 2. They were full of good works; they could identify false
apostles; but they had left their first love. The first commandment is to love
the Lord, our God, with all of our heart, soul, and mind. The second one is to
love our neighbor as yourself. When you love what you do more than you love
Christ, we get into trouble. We can literally fall out of love with Jesus, grow
lukewarm and grow cold in our love of mankind. Yet you can still function in
your gifting because the Lord does not remove His gifts and callings from us.
You can prophesy (preach), cast out demons, teach the Word of God from memory
and knowledge, give away lots of money, serve the poor, run a ministry
administratively etc., but you run the risk of losing faith and getting into
striving in the flesh unless you stay connected to the head Jesus Christ. God
made the sabbath for men to rest.
There is a rest for the people of God. See Hebrews 4. But
some of us just don’t know when and how to rest: not just one day a week but
every day of the week. Jesus has become our Sabbath Rest. His yoke is easy and
His burden is light. Think about that and what that should look like in terms
of your ministry. How do you serve and how do you minister? For example: Priests
were not allowed to wear garments mixed with wool and linen together. Wool was
for outer garments. You wouldn’t wear wool if you were a priest ministering in
the temple. Linen symbolized purity, holiness and lightness. Wool being heavier
and causing sweat was associated with human effort or flesh-not fitting for
approaching God in holy service.
That is what Pentecost was all about…The Father sending us
His promise. Jesus promising to send us the comforter to lead and guide us into
all truth. The Holy Spirit to empower us to give us the supernatural ability to
be His witnesses, His disciples, His disciple makers, His ambassadors, His
servants, His priests etc. It’s not by our own might, our own power, but it’s
by His Spirit, His gifts, His ability, His wisdom, His Word come alive in our
spirit man showing us and teaching us all things we need to know. See 1 John 2.
Under the New Covenant we are all called to be priests unto
the Lord-a Kingdom of Priests. Revelation 5:
10. It is an incorrect interpretation to say that we are kings and
priest unto the Lord. There is only One King under the New Covenant. Jesus is
the King of His Kingdom. He has called us into his kingdom as priests to offer “spiritual”
sacrifices. Our bodies are “living” sacrifices holy and acceptable to Him. That
is why the apostle Paul warned repeatedly about sexual immorality but it is the
only sin we can commit that is against our Body which is Christ’s Temple.
Therefore, each one of us has a responsibility to keep ourselves pure and
unspotted from the world.
Under the New Covenant we each have been given unique gifts
and talents. The Holy Spirit gives us these gifts to minister his love, his
grace, his word, his mercy, his judgment, his statutes, and his extended hands
to a lost and hurting world as He wills. Why does He give you and I these
wonderful gifts? He gives us these gifts to be an extension of His heart to a
lost and broken world. But you can still get broken yourself in the fray
because you’re human. You can still be wounded. You can still be deceived.
That is why it is absolutely imperative that you and I become our own
Bible scholars and students of the word just like Paul told Timothy in 2
Timothy 2: 15 to study himself to be approved unto God…. A workman needing not
to be ashamed, and one who rightly divides the truth. Why? Deception is
insidious. Deception is subtle. Satan is cunning. We need to know this about
our enemy. He is a formidable foe. Not one to be feared, but one who is to be
regarded as highly intelligent and crafty. We have to be on guard against
getting into foolish controversies, endless genealogies, arguments and quarrels
about the law that only engender more questions. See Titus 3: 9
By the way, did you know that five of the major cult leaders
I studied all started out in Christian homes? Sun Myung Moon was a
Presbyterian. Jim Jones was Pentecostal who studied under William Branham who
did not end well himself. Mary Bakker Eddy who started Christian Science, grew
up in a protestant tradition, rooted in Puritanism, emphasizing personal faith
and scripture. Joseph Smith‘s mother was a devout Methodist and explored other
Christian denominations like Presbyterian…his father was involved in the
occult. I believe that’s how Joseph Smith became deceived. His father was very
poor and used divining stones to find treasure. Ironically, Joseph Smith says
an angel named Moroni revealed golden tablets of stone to him from which he
wrote the book of Mormon that is filled with heresy when measured against the
canon of scripture. Smith was also a Freemason which is laced with occultic
overtones and blood oaths. The leader of
the Jehovah’s Witnesses, Charles Tazwell grew up in a Presbyterian home. He was
dissatisfied with mainstream Christian teachings and eventually formed the Zion
watchtower Tract society in 1881. They later changed their name to the
Jehovah’s Witnesses.
Who is above deception? Didn’t Paul warn that even Satan
himself can be transformed into an angel of light? Doesn’t every soldier run
the risk of getting wounded in battle and some tempted to become spies for the
enemy in their own camp? When he/ she gets wounded his fellow soldiers
pick him up and leave no brother behind. A good soldier will also use his/ her
training to detect and report another fellow soldier engaging in questionable
activities that hint of espionage. Wounded soldiers go to the infirmary for a
time of healing. Those who have questionable clandestine activities get Court
Marshaled. Soldiers take a vow to uphold the constitution and defend their
country. This is a noble vow not a dark blood oath involving cutting out anyone’s
tongue or hanging them with a noose like the Mason’s do. Soldiers lay their
life on the line for their fellow countrymen. As such, they are accountable to
one another. No brother gets left behind, and no enlisted soldier or officer is
above the law. I’m afraid the body of Christ is weak in the area of this type
of accountability as well as lifting up a wounded brother. We’re good at covering
up overt sin and burying the wounded who have been victimized by narcissistic corrupt
leaders or silencing or pushing out those who ask valid questions concerning
finances, questionable behavior and unorthodox practices. This needs to stop.
We need a major course correct. The charismatic church has lost its bearings.
When our son was in the Navy, his rate was an Operation
Specialist. He was responsible for mapping out and navigating the ship through
vast waters using a GPS system connected by WIFI to a satellite. No stars,
plain compasses or sextons like the ships of old. It was all high-tech equipment.
He loved his job but serving at the onset of Operation Enduring Freedom took a
toll on him. He almost died of alcohol poisoning. The stress of being an OS
(operation specialist) on an amphibian ship wasn’t what did it. What did
it was his ship carried over 400 marines and released them on shore as boots on
the ground in Kuwait. Many of never returned. This affected him deeply. Many of
them were his friends. Next, on another mission on a Ticonderoga that fired the
first Tomahawk against Sadam Hussein, coupled with personal disappointments,
sent him over the edge. He nearly drank himself to death. They put him in the
infirmary, gave him some psychological testing and counseling. He recovered
from it. Because the Navy cares about their enlisted men and women, they
switched his base station from Mayport Florida to Dam Neck in Virginia Beach. It
was closer to family. They changed his rate from an OS to a Paralegal. Instead
of navigating ships at sea, he worked in an office to help sailors get their
legal paperwork in order in case anything was to happen on or off shore. He
also helped them get their wills and finances in order financially. He loved
working as a paralegal on base, taking care of necessary documents for troops
coming in or getting out of service. Sam’s Naval Officers were wise enough to
discern that if our son continued as an OS, he would be putting himself and
others at risk if he were to continue at that rate.
They didn’t boot him out of the navy. They just put him
somewhere where he wouldn’t be triggered, vulnerable for another breakdown, and
he could still be productive until he completed his four-year Navy stint. He
received the NAM reward and full benefits. After four years he was honorably
discharged. He later earned a bachelor’s of science degree in business
administration paid for through his G.I. benefits. We are proud of our son‘s
accomplishments while working through his trauma and pain during those
difficult dark years. We supported and prayed for him with unconditional love
and he knew it. Those weren’t his first dark years and they wouldn’t be his
last.
But like so many warriors who start out well and either get
wounded in battle without fully recovering, some Christian Leaders and servants
continue in a specialty that is not really suited for them and the results can
end in disaster. As such it can take on the form of abuse and ultimately a
shipwreck of faith for others. After all of our son went through During
Operation Enduring Freedom, he realized Navy life was not what he wanted to do
as a career. Originally, he felt like he was going to become a naval
officer. But Samuel was called to be a missionary. It’s a long story as to why
that never happened later in his life. He went on his first mission trip at the
end of 12 and continued well into his late teens spending many summers
traveling with team Mania, The Mercy Ship and other church groups to foreign
lands. He died in a car accident in 2009 and now he’s in heaven.
It is out of great pain, disappointments, and life
experiences I tell you these stories prophetically to share with you this:
when you are not in your God ordained design and calling or if and when you
don’t recognize your need to readjust or take a break, you are in danger of
losing your life spiritually and possibly physically. Your ministry gift is not
to make a name for yourself. It’s to make His name Great. It’s not to make
yourself great or become “somebody.” You already are somebody in Christ. Your
ministry gift is an official call from you Commander-in-Chief, The Lord Jesus
Christ to serve Him, advance His Kingdom on earth and defend the flock of God.
It may take some experimenting until you discover what God has called you uniquely
to do, but He is the one who calls you. He is the One to show you. Don’t wait
for prophet so and so tell you what God has called you to do. That is putting a
man or woman over Christ. Therefore, God calls it idolatry. Your and my calling
is “birthed” out of intimacy with Him. If you try to start a ministry or be
something apart from intimacy with Christ, you are giving birth to something
illegitimate. Jesus said apart from me you can do nothing. Only if we abide in Him
and His Words abide in us can we bring forth and bear any lasting fruit.
He is the one who equips you. He is the one who qualifies
you. But I’m afraid many people who may or may not be called into leadership or
ministry roles continue when and where they shouldn’t be. For reasons related
to personal trauma and others related sexual abuse and miss handling their
responsibilities as leaders, they need to step down or be officially removed.
In my humble opinion, they need to repent, get healed and delivered. This is
not an overnight process. If it took many years for them to get to that place;
it’s not going to be a quick fix.
If a minister falls or gets court marshaled like a Military
Officer, they can’t be restored to that official position for constitutional reasons.
However, after a period of restoration they can continue in a “different” role
of service other than church government/ leadership for several reasons: 1.
where others will no longer be endangered for the possibility of a leader
relapsing 2. the name of Christ has been besmirched by their violation of
duties 3. To continue would say in so many ways and words that egregious sin
has no great consequences 4. If it’s ok for a leader to steal, fornicate, be a
drunk, lie, cheat, abuse his wife and family and steal and not be punished for
such crimes, then it’s OK for the flock of God to do what they did and get away
with it 5. They are to be examples above reproach to the flock of God as they
follow Christ. They are not following Christ when they follow the ways of this
world
Pardon my directness but Jesus never got in bed with a whore,
stole from anyone, lied, cheated, slapped any woman on the butt, gave false
prophecies that led people away from God’s perfect will, performed so-called
miracles that resulted in no healing nor did he mix occultic or deceptive practices
with Holy Spirit power. To say it’s okay to miss the mark when you are a
leader over a spiritual flock is to dumb down the role of leadership to that of
a peasant. No one is perfect, but a leader MUST be above reproach and of good
reputation in and out of Christian circles. Period.
When David sinned with Bathsheba, that wasn’t all he did. He
also lied, cheated, plotted, then had her husband killed. There were grave
consequences for David. We see in Psalm 51 his soul’s lament after Nathan the
Prophet gave him a parable that David himself interpreted to mean that such a
man should be killed. The Prophet said, “That man is you.” Yes, David continued
being king, but that was during the time period where Israel was no longer
ruled by Prophets and Judges. Kings replaced prophets at the behest of the people
of God, much to Samuel the prophet’s chagrin. It was never God’s perfect will
for the people to have a King like the pagan nations had around them. However,
God told Samuel to give them what they wanted. They did not reject Samuel the
prophet, they rejected God. By the way, a prophet’s life is marked by rejection,
always and continually because of the messages they deliver. So, Samuel anointed
Saul as King and gave the people what they wanted. They would regret it because
the same Kings would demand tithes, make servants out of their daughters and
servants from their sons, take the best of their fields and vineyards etc., just
like the pagan nations did. See 1 Samuel 8: 11-18. King Saul wound up being a
half crazed demonized man because of his entitlement attitude that he took
advantage of through his rebellion and disobedience.
King David, his successor was a mighty warrior and beloved
King, but he was not allowed to build the house of the Lord because of shedding
innocent blood. Also, the son that he had with Bathsheba became ill, and
despite his prayers of intercession, the child died. There are grave
consequences to committing such sins as a spiritual leader. Unfortunately,
guilty leaders caught in gross sins use David as a reason for them to continue
in their ministry as Lords and Kings. But you have to realize that King David
was a King not a priest. Again, that was during a period of times when God
allowed the people of Israel to be ruled by man. David was also the type and
shadow of our Savior Jesus Christ. Jesus never sinned but His lineage is of the
house of David. David was a prophetic messianic symbol. You cannot take that
Prophetic Symbology and superimpose it over Human flesh and blood under the New
Covenant and say just because a leader sins in these ways they don’t have to
step down from public ministry. That is not rightly dividing the whole counsel
of scripture.
If the Armed Forces have good sense enough to know how to
defrock disobedient officers and recognize the signs of stress, distress,
treasonous behavior in enlisted men and women what is wrong with the Church? When
the military see these things happening they take care of their own who are ill
and punish the treacherous. The Body of Christ needs to do a much better job of
church discipline, and taking care of its wounded too.
Note to leaders: If you abuse your power against the flock of
God, misuse your authority and cause any of His little ones to be offended, you
are disqualified from your position. You can be restored to Christ if you
repent. However, your sin and violation of the requirements of an elder and
leader in the house of God deems you disqualified. According to Titus
chapter 1, 1 Timothy 3 and 1 Peter 5, your character flaws disqualify you from
leadership. To continue in the role you committed such sins while serving,
would be in direct violation to scriptural requirements. Rebellion is as the
sin of witchcraft and that is why we see it rampant in the charismatic branch
of the church. We are seeing false manifestations. We are hearing doctrine of
demons, and we are seeing attitudes of unprecedented arrogance coming from some
of these leaders who refuse to sit down or receive proper church discipline
resulting in disqualification “defrocking.”
But for the wounded Warriors: those who have just grown tired
and weary from abuse, misuse and attacks, after you spend time with Him alone
in the desert, reflecting, repenting, fasting, praying, seeking Him and being
revived in His presence, that’s where you receive a deeper revelation of
the word of God. That is when you come out of the wilderness with a fresh word.
That is where and when you enter into “next level” ministry.
You and I already received power to become a son or daughter
of God. There is no greater becoming. There is no greater calling. Furthermore,
too many so-called apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, evangelists try to
get their identity from their title or their “work” before they are fully
confirmed in their image as a son or daughter of God. This is the identity
“fissure” the enemy uses to trip them up time after time coupled with a lack of
biblical foundational knowledge. Without realizing it, their function or their
title becomes their idol rather than being fully established as a son or
daughter of God. Your identity is a son or a daughter. Your job
description is what God has called you to do not who you are. We must learn the
difference. Your conception in your mother’s womb began the quest by your
creator through the Holy Spirit for you to discover your identity. Your
identity is a son or daughter of God through the New Birth.
Your purpose is to love God first and your neighbor second as
you love yourself. You can’t fully love yourself until you know the Love of the
Father. His perfect love casts out all fear. To fear God in an unrighteous way
is to have torment. We are to fear Him reverentially as One who can not only
kill the body but cast a soul to Hell. He is love but He is Holy. Sin cannot
exist in His presence. That is why we must accept Christ’s atoning work to be
able to be reconciled to Him. His love drives out the fear of death. You have
not received a spirit of bondage again to fear death but a spirit of adoption
whereby you cry “Abba Father.”
Additionally, your divine assignment and your calling is between you and God. He will
show you as you seek Him and your gifts will make room for you. But know this…if
you do NOTHING you are already accepted in the beloved. God requires nothing of
you but love and obedience to His words. There is no greater gift, no greater
calling, no greater purpose on earth than to receive the power to be called a
son or daughter. You can’t earn it. It was offered to you through the cross.
You receive(d) it by grace through your faith in Christ’s atoning work on the
cross. Now just walk it out in faith that works by love with your Father, Son and
Holy Spirit. You and I need to know when to pull back and rest so that when you
get back to work, you’ll come back stronger, refreshed and revived. You
re-emerge with a deeper revelation of who REALLY Jesus is.
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